it's october, and not much has changed...

My Students On World Cultures:

Me, standing at the world map: Okay, our new student is from the Philippines. Where's that?

My two American students: I don't know!

My Filipino Student: It is very small...

Me: Okay, then. Where are we right now? That's easier.

All three students: *stare blankly and silently at the map*

Me: Never mind, guys...have a good day.

***

Student 1, pointing to the Filipino student in the class and whispering: Ms. F, why does he talk so funny?

Me, whispering: Um, because he's from another country.

Student 1: Okay. I just can't stop laughing when he talks.

Me: Well you can't do that...it's really disrespectful.

Student 1: Okay. I'll try to stop.

Filipino Student: Hey, where is that fat girl who was next to me yesterday? She is absent?

Student 1: *dissolves into laughter*

Filipino Student, oblivious: What is your name again?

Me: Ms. F.

Filipino Student: Can I call you Mr. G?

Me: Well no, for lots of reasons...but mostly, I'm not a man, so you can't say "Mister," right?

Student 1: "Mr. G!" *almost falls out of his seat*

Me: This is going to be interesting.

My Students On Religion:

Me: *reads aloud from a short story book*

Student: *quietly mumbles in the back of the room*

Me: *keeps reading, attempting to ignore it*

Student: *keeps mumbling*

Me: Okay, what on earth are you doing? I've already had to talk to you too much about talking today.

Student: Oh, no, I'm not talking! I'm saying "Amen"!

Me: What?

Student: Well, you know, when you're in church, and someone is reading, people always say stuff after every sentence, like "Amen." So that's what I'm doing.

Me: Well, I know what you're talking about. But this isn't church. You can't do that!

Student: *silence*

Me: *Continues reading*

Student: OH, THERE IS A FIRE IN HERE TODAY!

***

Student 1: I am going to become Jewish.

Student 2: Then you're going to Hell. Because Jewish people don't believe in God.

Me: AAHH! That's not true! Jewish people believe in God! They just don't believe in Jesus!

Student 2: Oh, that's right.

Student 3: Jewish people think that God is Muslim.

Me: NOO! Islam is something TOTALLY DIFFERENT.

Student 3: Well Muslim peole think God is Muslim.

Me: Well...at least that's closer...

My Students on...Academics?

Me: Okay, what is one text-to-self connection you can make to this I, Robot clip?

Student: Well, Will Smith doesn't like that robot very much, and I don't like you.

Me: Excuse me?

Student: Just kidding!

Me: Okay, so now, what is one text-to-self connection you can make to this clip from The Office?

Student: WHITE PEOPLE ARE CRAZY!!

Me: Fair enough...

Student, practicing her "C" vocabulary words: I don't have any contrast.

Me: What'd you say?

Student: I have no contrast!

Me: Do you mean "compassion"?

Student: Yeah, that's right.

Me: I think you have compassion.

Student: Well, for you. Not for anyone else. I don't care about anyone.

Other student, practicing his "C" vocabulary words: I would never have credibility! I wouldn't pay back money someone loaned me!

Me: Well, I think there are a lot of people who don't have that sort of credibility.

Student: Yeah. I would keep the money and use it to buy a bag.

Me: Do you understand why that is not an appropriate thing to say in this classroom?

Student: Not really...

Me: Well, too bad. It isn't. Shut up.

Me: What's another pronoun in this sentence?

Student: "Sit."

Me: Well there's two problems with that. For one, "sit" isn't a pronoun. Also, it's not one of the words in the sentence.

Me: What's a noun again?

First period student: A verb.

Me: Well, close, but no.

Me, later in the day: Okay, we're talking about nouns. Tell me what a noun is.

Third period student: A part of a sentence. A verb!

Me: What did I do wrong here?

Student 1, making up a quiz from the first week of school: What are our classroom rules?

Student 2: We don't have any...there's only five of us in here.

Me: That's right...we're all running wild, all the time.

Me: Okay, then, if you guys are going to keep talking, I'll just wait for you. *Sits down*

[two minute elapse.]

Student 1: Oh, come on! Can we keep going? I want to read!

Student 2, bitterly: We can't! Because YOU keep talking.

Me: That's right. I'm just going to sit here and keep track of how much time you're all wasting.

Student 2: You know what you should do instead? Start throwing desks out the window. And then be like, 'I guess you guys have to go get them if you want a place to sit!'

Me: Somehow, I don't think that will help...