is it friday yet?

Student: How about today we play a game. Called Triple Dare.
Me: What's that, exactly?
Student: Well, there's three crayons, and you have to eat all three.
Me: You've had a lot to say about eating crayons lately...
Student: What?
Me: Do you eat crayons at home?
Student: No!!
Me: Just wondering.

Student 1, while working on a class list of ways to demonstrate respect in the classroom: Oh! No iPods! I'll write it down.
Student 2: Oh, why'd you write that down? I was going to bring mine tomorrow! And now I can't, because it's on the list!

Me: And cutting class is also disrespectful to your classmates. What if we were supposed to do a fun group activity, but everyone skipped class except for Student 1? That wouldn't be fair.
Student 1: Well, that's when I'd just have to man up and fight them all.

first day excitement

Student: Are there any females in this class?

Me: Well there are some women on the roster, but I haven't seen them yet.

Student: Oh, that is going to be a distraction.

Me: I thought you just told me you were moving in with your girlfriend.

Student: I am...but still, that is going to be a distraction.

Me: Get out of my room! Don't you have somewhere to be?

Student who's not mine: Oh, come on!

Me: Go to class!

Student: I'm not even worried about class right now! I'm worried about getting your number!

Me: So, give me an example of one expectation someone might have for this class.

Student: I expect to be BORED! Don't you feel like they teach us the same stuff every year?

Student: *walks into class and sits down.*

Me: Start filling in your contact sheet.

Student: So, I'm gonna take out my cell phone and start writing on the desk instead. Oh, and eat some apple pie!

Me: *stares*

Student: Psych!

Me: Okay, so now you're going to make your career poster. *hands student markers and crayons.* You're just going to take the English class skills you think a lawyer would need, and write them down. What did you say a lawyer needs to know?

Student: How not to eat crayons!

Me: Oh.