Manic Monday

While Going Over Capitalization Rules...
Me: Whenever you see the letter "I" by itself, you have to capitalize it. No matter what.
Student: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put "U" and "I" together.
Me: It's going to be one of those days, isn't it?

While Reading Night...
Student 1: If I were him, I would just eat all of my bread right away, and worry about later later.
Student 2: No, that's stupid! You'd die!
Me: They don't know how long they're going to be marching for...it might be a bad idea to eat everything right away.
Student 1: Nah, I'd just find some food on the ground.
Me: There's thousands of people marching! Would you want to bank on you being the one to find the food on the ground? Even if it was just our class marching somewhere, I'd feel uncomfortable assuming I'd be the one to find the food.
Student 1: We'd probably have to eat each other...but we can't eat Ms. F...she's too skinny.
Me: Thank you.
Student 2: We'd really only be able to use you as a toothpick.
Student 3: Y'all aren't eating me...I'd shank you first.
Student 4: Can we get back to the book?
Me: No one's eating anyone!
Student 1: Maybe we could eat T----....no, he wouldn't be good.